Day 32-35

Day 32-35. I continue to practice food styling and photography, and am now forcing myself to keep my 50mm 1.4 lens on my camera. It works great for the food (although a 100mm 5.6 lens is optimal and what I’m saving up to buy). The difficulty when shooting with the 50mm is that I have to continually remind myself to back up farther than I anticipate. The shot of grilled corn above would have had more clarity if I had moved the tripod back another few inches and still focused on the kernels on the right. The practice is also about using the tripod and turning off all the kitchen light sources. This is shot with natural light after 8pm. The challenge will come later this fall when the sun starts setting before dinner is prepared.

I’ve been grilling over the last few days because the temperatures are rising in the PacNW, and we are supposed to be in the high 90s later in the week. I don’t do well in extreme heat. I wilt. I get unhappy. I especially don’t like cooking. That’s when I break out the grill.

My feet are looking better once again. I saw my gynecologist last week and she confirmed that the inflammation might be my body adjusting to the thyroid medication, or it could hormonal. My feet have been behaving like this over the last year and this is the first time I’ve really focused on them and documented them every day. So much focus leads to investigation of patterns, and I’ve noticed the puffiness the time appeared before my menses. But I also walked some distance earlier in the week, without pain or cramping. I was so excited that day that I called Holly right away to inform her of my triumph. The next morning, sadly, they were puffy once again. The picture above was five days later. It could be some time before I can determine a true cause. We went to see the B-52s at the Portland Zoo. What a great time – my third time seeing them in concert. They played all my favorites. I must say that they sounded and looked terrific. It’s a long stroll from the concert area to the parking lot, and by the time we made it to the car both of my feet were cramping and hurting. I try to mask the pain most of the time around Josh, but that night I completely lost it. I broke down emotionally in front of our friends. My feet just disappoint me so much and make me feel so old. It’s the one thing in my life that truly depresses me. I’m trying to stay positive everyday because now I focus on them so much, but some days they just get the best of me.

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One Response to Day 32-35

  1. fi says:

    Hey! I missed this post somewhere along the line… :-( Sorry to hear about your recent disappointment with your feet and how it all finally caught up with you emotionally. It’s hard to keep these things bottled up and pretend to be coping just fine the whole time. I think sometimes it’s good to have a little breakdown, especially around people that care. We can all do with some help sometimes.

    You’re so brave to post about the hard times. It can’t be easy, but I hope one day soooon, you’ll be able to look back at these posts with pain free feet and see how far you’ve come. I wish there was more I could do, but unfortunately, it’s just going to take a bit of time. It will get better though. You’ve just got to believe and keep working on it. You’re not “old”, sweetpea. You’re just going through massive change…

    I’ve had quite a few disappointments recently too – with my knees. I haven’t been able to run for a while and every time I did, I’d just hurt myself even more. I’ve been working with a physio to get pain free and strong, so I can run again, but it’s taking aaaages!

    I know exactly what you were talking about when you said you called Holly coz you were so excited about the improvement with your feet and then the next day, it all went backwards again. I’ve been there recently too. I did exactly the same – it’s hard to curb enthusiasm when you want something so badly!

    It was actually Sylwi that set me on a better path a couple of weeks ago. I was complaining to her and telling her I just couldn’t cope with the pain and disappointment anymore (after I’d broken down in floods of tears, sitting in an ice bath, the day before! ha!) and she very wisely said, that every time obstacles like that appear in her life, she looks for the deeper meaning and the message behind it.

    I started looking for the lessons I could learn and all of a sudden, it seemed like there was one lesson cropping up every where! Everyone was telling me to slow down, to take it easier. I realised that I needed to learn patience. I’m all about a huge amount of effort and drive in the short term, but when it comes to the long run and patience, I’m really lacking. So, I’m now focussing on baby steps and a long, slow approach – enjoying the journey means I’m less fixated on the prize and less vulnerable to disappointments!

    I’m also taking it as a mental challenge, less of a physical one. Reframing the experience seems to be helping me. Every time there’s a set back with my knee, I think how calmly doing all the therapy and exercises can make me stronger mentally. That patience and inner strength is what I’m going to need when I eventually get fit enough to train for my goal of a marathon… It seems ironic that the one big goal I have in my life of finishing a marathon (that I so desperately want to do), is the one thing that I need my knees for! It’s going to be a long road to the start line, let alone the finish line… :-))) but one step at a time, right?!

    Are there any bigger lessons, or deeper meanings that you can find in your situation? I’d be curious to know if Sylwi’s advice works for you too! :-)

    xx

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